Shirts off presents: Jerk Off

Hola, and welcome.

 

Apologies for the radio silence, but don’t fret, plenty of nerdly activities going on here. also, apologies for the various forthcoming fonts, thanks to a sloppy cnp job. enough!

So first up, a batrep of sorts. Recently, our beloved Greg 'the jerk' g-field made the decision to swim the tasman and find a hobbit hole of his own to fill with greglings. So as an emotionally charged farewell, shirts off hosted a 6 player, 3k a side game of triumph and treachery to see him off, entitled 'Jerk Off'. As you do. Suffice to say, it was a long day, and a lot of fun.

 

 

Of the 6 of us playing, I think maybe 2-3 had played T&T before, and thanks to our Jib Jib for bringing his set along, and steering the ship when questions came up. We didn’t bother with teams or formal alliances, well certainly not to start with -and pushed a couple tables together longways to give a 8x6 surface. add a lil too much terrain, and voila.

 

but I do have copies of everyones lists:

 

 

mine was:

 

Slann Mage-Priest: Wandering Deliberations; Harmonic Convergence; Soul of Stone; Becalming Cogitation; Channelling Staff; Obsidian Lodestone; Battle Standard Bearer 495 

Skink Priest: Dispel Scroll; Lore of Heavens 90 

Skink Priest: Cube of Darkness; Lore of Heavens 95 

Saurus Scar-Veteran: Dragonhelm; Dawnstone; great weapon; light armour; Cold One 145 

Saurus Scar-Veteran: Armour of Destiny; great weapon; Cold One 154 

12 Skink Skirmishers 84 

12 Skink Skirmishers 84 

12 Skink Skirmishers 84 

12 Skink Skirmishers 84 

24 Saurus Warriors: Spawn Leader; musician; standard bearer 294 

24 Skinks: Skink Brave; musician; standard bearer 140 

24 Skinks: Skink Brave; musician; standard bearer 140 

Bastiladon 150 

Bastiladon 150 

26 Temple Guard: Revered Guardian; musician; standard bearer (Razor Standard) 439 

3 Terradon Riders 105 

3 Terradon Riders 105 

1 Salamander Hunting Pack 80 

1 Salamander Hunting Pack 80 

 

dave's was

 

Spell weaver, Lvl 4 death, 4++ power scroll death magic, elven steed. 

Spell singer lvl 2 metal, scroll 

Glade Captain hail of doom, enchanted shield, spear, starfire shafts, horsey 

3x12 glade guard full command true flight 

6 riders with hag bane 

10 deepwood with hag 

10 deepwood with hag 

10 deepwood with hag 

9 Wild Riders fcommand 

8 sisters full command 

4 treekin 

2 eagles 

8 way watchers

8 way watchers

 

 gregz was

 

Slaughtermaster [250] + Talisman of Preservation [45] + Earthing Rod [25] + Level 4 Wizard [35] + Lore of Heavens [0] + great weapon [10] = 365 Tyrant [210] + Armour of Destiny [50] + Healing Potion [35] + great weapon [12] = 307 

Bruiser [105] + Rune Maw [60] + great weapon [11] + heavy armour [4] + battle standard [25] = 205 

Butcher [100] + Dispel Scroll [25] + Opal Amulet [15] + additional hand weapon [2] = 142 

10 Ironguts [430] + Gutlord [10] + Bellower [10] + standard bearer [10] + Look-out Gnoblar [5] + Banner of Swiftness [15] = 480 

8 Ogres [240] + Crusher [10] + Bellower [10] + standard bearer [10] + Look-out Gnoblar [5] + ironfists [16] = 291 

6 Leadbelchers [258] + Bellower [10] = 268 6 Leadbelchers [258] + Bellower [10] = 268 

3 Mournfang Cavalry [180] + Bellower [10] + standard bearer [10] + heavy armour [15] + ironfists [15] = 230 

3 Mournfang Cavalry [180] + Bellower [10] + standard bearer [10] + heavy armour [15] + ironfists [15] = 230 

1 Sabretusk = 21 

1 Sabretusk = 21 

Ironblaster = 170 

 

rhys' list was

 

Sorceror Lord: Talisman of Preservation; Charmed Shield; Dispel Scroll; Third Eye of Tzeentch; Flaming Breath; Level 4 Wizard; Lore of Tzeentch; Mark of Tzeentch; Disc of Tzeentch 430  Chaos Sorceror: Obsidian Trinket; Skull of Katam; Lore of Fire 140 

Exalted Hero: Armour of Destiny; Scaled Skin; Mark of Tzeentch; great weapon; Battle Standard; Daemonic Mount (barding) 271 

17 Chaos Warriors: Standard of Discipline; Mark of Tzeentch; shield; Aspiring Champion; musician; standard bearer 334 

Chaos Chariot: Mark of Nurgle 125 

Chaos Chariot: Mark of Nurgle 125 

5 Chaos Warhounds 30 

5 Chaos Warhounds 30 

11 Forsaken: Mark of Khorne 231 

Gorebeast Chariot: Mark of Nurgle 140 

Chimera: Flaming Breath; Regenerating Flesh 275 

8 Chaos Trolls: additional hand weapons 304 

Hellcannon 210 

4 Skullcrushers of Khorne: Banner of Swiftness; ensorcelled weapons; musician; standard bearer 

 

look familiar? rhys asked me to write a list to take is why

 

jib jib bought the bette midler high elves

 

Stardragon
Dragon mage 

Griffon BSB 

Flamespyre
Frostheart 

2 Skycutters 

14 SHs 

6 DPs 

3x5 Reavers  

 

and to round it off, johannes bought the evil stunties out for a spin

 

Sorcerer-Prophet Lore of Death; Magic Level 4; Blood of Hashut; Enchanted Shield, Talisman of Preservation, Earthing Rod, Bale Taurus @ 620 

 Infernal Castellan Shield; Battle Standard The Mask of the Furnace @ 197

 Daemonsmith Sorcerer Lore of Fire; Magic Level 1; Charmed Shield, Dispel Scroll @ 125 Daemonsmith Sorcerer Lore of Fire; Magic Level 1; @ 95 

Hobgoblin Khan Spear; Shield, Giant Wolf @ 60 

Hobgoblin Khan Spear; Shield, Giant Wolf @ 60 

40 Chaos Dwarf Infernal Guard Great Weapons; Shield; Full command @ 632 

10 Chaos Dwarf Inferal Guard Musician, Champion @ 142.0 Pts 

20 Hobgoblin Cutthroats Bow; Full command @ 122 

1 Deathshrieker Rocket Launcher @ 100.0 Pts 

1 Deathshrieker Rocket Launcher @ 100.0 Pts 

 1 Magma Cannon @ 145 

 1 K'daai Destroyer @ 325 

1 Chaos Siege Giant @ 275  

 

So some pretty tough lists for a big game, I was definitely regretting not taking something harder, but I had just finished painting the lizo and wanted to give em a spin, so what the hell.

Onto deployment, and poor johannes and I were left with the centre deployments, but got to set up last.

 

 

We had daves woodies in the corner, who quickly realised there wasn’t anywhere to run, hide or dance. On the other side of me was gregs ogres, set up an inch away, and ready to run me over asap. On the other side, rhy's woc were arrayed up against daves gunline, johannes in the middle looking towards james' monster mash flying v.

 

 

 

Kind of hard to see whats going on, but you only need a cursory view to see that a couple of alliances were in order; pronto! With the woc bearing down on them, and with ogres around the corner, it didn’t take long for the lizo and woodies to realise they both appreciated the same things, forests, nature, and being undisturbed. Likewise similar alliances were being forged between the chaos dwarves and woc, scheming, as you can see up above.

while with typical elvish arrogance, the helves figured they could beat everything themselves with all their monsters, and no one in their right mind would attempt an alliance with someone known as the jerk.

 

So bear with me here, this was a while ago, a lot happened, and I was very drunk by the end of it. So highlights only!

 

James goes first, and sends his biggest gribbly into johannes' horde of infernal guard, along with a skycutter. Eventually, it ends badly for the dragon, once the kdaii gets in the mix. Dave's woodies shoot the bejeesus out of a chim, but leave it alive on one wound, free for some rampaging. And rampage it does, smashing some elves, and overrunning into more. Fortunately I get to go before greg, chaff him up thoroughly, and shoot some things. I also send a cowboy out to intercept and counter charge the chim if I get to go before rhys or dave next turn. The ogres go last, rearing to charge into me, but I play a card where he cant, and he tries to redress his ranks, and shoots and magics a laserdon off instead

 

 

 

Turn 1 took about 2 hours, so turn 2 got a lil quicker, and I started to pour a lil liquor. From turn 2 it starts to turn a little more political, as secret alliances are struck and broken. 

 

 

 

James splits his army and pushes most of the unengaged stuff towards gregs flank. Johannes' curry is favoured by one and all, as his warmachines strike fear across the board. I fail some panic and lose a tonne of chaff, but cowboy comes through and kills the chim, cementing the lizo/we alliance. Rhys moves up and gets shot and chaff, but invincible bsb shoulders his way forward, intent on singlehanded killing all the elves.

 

 Dave shoots and chaffs back, and manages to snipe off the disclord, rendering the trolls completely useless for the rest of the game. Kind of like my terradons, who panicked early on, and leg it all game. gregs gutstar makes some kind of mystery impossible charge into my temple guard, who get butchered, but last few hold on snakes. I wandered off to fix myself a drink once this happened and came back to the loss of 22ish temple guard. Be enough to drive anyone to drink

 

 

 

Turn 3 after lunch, and the beers come out. More deals were pencilled out during the break, whether they would come to fruition, who knows!

 

 

 

 The helf/cdwarf grind grinds on, as a flanking silver helm unit line up a unit of bulls. One of my skink cohort kills and runs down a woc chariot, ending up perilously close to the cdwarf artillery lot. Despite our lunchtime mega burger entente and subsequent pleas of innocence (I had to pursue the chariot to get any pts), johannes doesn’t like the look of my intentions and slams the remaining 10ish from the horde into my skinks. my skinks haul off and kill 6, and a comet later comes down and kills the rest. one cowboy goes down the hill into 2x2 crushers, kills 1, and pops the banner when they flee, only to later reform and back away

 

 

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Greg tries to move around me, I do the sneaky with dave, nominate him as my magic opponent, and he lets all my buffs through lol. Get a double wildform on 24 skinks, but greg blocks me from shooting his gutstar boo. I block off his whole army, and dave magics lots off in his phase. Johannes deals with james, and james tries to deal with gregs other flank, but his bulls over there hold

 

 

From here its all a bit of a blur.

 

 

it would appear gregs ogres stand around in front of me, i may have played the cant charge me card again?

 

 Dave gets wrecked by bdmbsb, and has very very little left at the end of the game. I tell him to shoot my tg for the pts, as ive been giving him all my cash throughout the game as I didn’t have enough to be in contention and he did. 

 

 

 

By now james and rhys are quietly sitting in their respective corners, but as far as I can remember there werent really any big swings, although dave did manage to kill the bsb with shooting. I go last and despite having a reasonable amount left, I have no cash or vps and cant pick up any pts, so it ends up going to johannes in the end, with dave 2nd I think and rhys 3rd.

 

but the real winner on the day, was greg

 

 

he loved it. or at least thats what it looked like to me. everything was a little blurry

 

 

all the best buddy, therell always be a very special place in my heart

So we gave greg the trophy, half the nerds left, and you know what we did after playing a 6 player, 18k game of t&t?

 

We played another one.

 

3 player 2k, no lord. Ogres vs lizo vs cdwarves. Hannes took a nasty list, kdai, magma cannon, same horde of warriors, and ran at greggy in the middle.

 I fanned out and waited for them to smash each other, and pick up the pts. Exactly how I play a lan lololol. That’s pretty much how it panned out, guts get thrashed by magma cannon, kdaii gets king hit with an ironblaster.

 I kill a unit of 8 bulls with shooting and lasers, then get all the pts for the guts and the characters, as johannes leaves them with a champ and a pair of wounded characters. chur bro

 

 . I get a lil chaff from hannes too, but have all my army bar a laserdon left, and I win convincingly. Much better!

 

so there we have it, jerk off. next time ive got some pics of the finished lizo, as i wander through the crafts buffet that is my painting table. so stay tuned - and take your shirt off